 |
| Insignia - Author's Picture |
The picture depicts my life at one point in time. In my three years in the army, I only achieved the rank of Specialist 4. I was in the 3rd Battalion, 18th Field Artillery. I can't say positive things about my experience. I didn't care for the lifestyle. At least I didn't have to go to war.
I had a memory today of my last official day of high school. We were supposed to have a "senior breakfast" around 8:30 in the morning. I walked to the cafeteria and, if I recall correctly, took hold of the doorknob. Something made me stop. I didn't go in, and so I refused to participate in the final breakfast. Refusing to conform became part of my life.
I can't remember if I had already enlisted in the service. I think I had, but I just don't remember. I left town, heading north toward home. There was nothing left to do at the school. There were no classes for us seniors, and graduation didn't take place until that night. I remember being confused and wondering what to do next. I don't think I ever figured out "what comes next." I spent the following decades jumping from thing to thing: Forever trying to determine what comes next.
For the most part, I think I've been confused about what comes next since that very day. I frequently don't know what to do. I'd think that this was unusual for a 50+ man, but it's true. What comes next? What should I do now? The question that bothered me as a 17-year-old teenager still troubles my soul.
Today, I have a doctorate in theology. I have so many diplomas and certifications that I can fill an entire office with them, all four walls. And still, I am troubled. How do I fix the latest problem? Can I fix it at all? What comes next? I wish I were confident enough to answer the question.
